Thursday, January 29, 2009

Just a Little Advice

It's probably not good for old Deadheads
(like me)
to use "Ripple" as a ringtone
While I'm standing there
head cocked to the side
goofy grin on my face
lost in memories
My daughter is yelling, "Mom, it's not a flashback! Answer your damn phone"

Monday, January 26, 2009

A Night in Hell

Maybe I am coherent enough to write about this after 3 days have passed.
Maybe not...
Friday night about 11, I kissed Cailtin goodbye.
Since she has turned 18, she can go to the dance clubs downtown, which seems like a whole lot of fun to me. They don't open till midnight , so she is due home around 2.
She always has her phone in her hand like an 11th digit. She texts me all during the evening, telling me who's there, who is with whom and the deal is, seh always has to let me know where she is.She's a good kid, this has never been a problem.
So, I got up about 1 to wait for her.
At 2 , I called to tell her to come on home,
At 3 I was cruising the streets of downtown alone, which is precisely what I feared she was doing!
I went to the police station & l was told I couldn't' file a report until she had been missing 24 hours.
I showed her high school picture to drunks who said helpful things like"I aint seen no cheerleaders out here tonight"
One guy said, "she's hot, I'd like to see her"whereupon his friend said"you jerk, her mom is worried" and they commenced to have a fist fight.
I was so upset , I kept visualizing some maniac tying her up and torturing her while she heard my voice mails, "Mama's gonna find you, baby"
I woke up every kid that goes to Murphy or interrupted their Friday evening
I found out she was with a guy who lives in a local college dorm.
I upset campus security by driving across their soccer field.
Some one alerted the young man by banging on his door telling him there was a woman hollering his name out of her car window
Caitlin came running out the door.
I left the car door open and ran to hug her, explained the situation to the officials who were worried about their field and we went home
I told her, "no, you are not grounded. We both have the same goals. We both want you to have a good time and we both want you to live. We are just adjusting your environment so you can be successful at both those things."
She said, So, I'm grounded"
"yeah, pretty much ", I answered.
She had turned her phone off because it was dead and had fallen asleep watching a movie. So while she was all safe and relaxed, I was in grave personal danger downtown after everything was closed talking to winos!
And how is it that everyone's phone that she was with went dead at once???
Sorry Caitlin, you can't bullshit a bullshitter.

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Happy Jack

Maybe you can tell, we really love our dog.
It was a strong spiritual connection from the start.
He was all around the neighborhood for about a week, a roly poly puppy.
All waggy tail and cheer, he gave no indication he was a stray.
He didn't have that furtive humble air poor lost dogs have, he was having a good old time eating folks' garbage and creating havoc.
After seeing him around for about a week, our eyes me.
He sat and looked at me as if to say"well?"
I opened the door and said"you might as well come on in."
I feel irrevocably in love at that moment.
He has never whined, even as a puppy.
He is the happiest creature on this earth.
He is our therapist.
So when he cried trying to jump on the bed and couldn't climb the stairs, my partner on hikes and runs, my indefatigable fetcher of balls, it broke my heart.
Off we went to the vet.
I sorta knew he had hip dysplasia.
The vet said he would probably be fine, but he has to lose 20 pounds and fast.
He wants him to lose a pound a week. He really has gotten much too fat. He weighs 84 pounds. We should never have let him get so fat, but he has this face and he loves treats....
Anyway, with love, discipline and aspirin, he will be okay.
He was so good, even when the vet had to hurt him to examne him, he never tried to bite.
It is humbling to know a creature who is purely good.

Monday, January 19, 2009

I'm trying to get back in the habit of posting here.
Getting over my J-Land separation anxiety. (sniff)

It was just the best weekend ever!
Friday night was the basketball game. I go to watch my cheer leader daughter....Everything at this point in her senior year has such a feel of finality to it. We are standing together on the edge of a new life for us both. Afterward my house was full of girls and drama as they got ready for a party. I love teenagers. I love their intensity, the feeling that all of life as we now know it hinges on a look or a word.

Saturday, all my Lagoonatic friends were together in one place for the first time since August. The five of us have a bond that covers 3 states, 13 children, outlasted 3 husbands and 25 years. We all met for a party to be introduced to my high school boyfriend and dear companion Phillip's new wife (who is younger than my daughter, but different strokes for different folks)

Then Stephanie and I went out dancing for her daughter Molly's 21st birthday, which was a hoot. These kids continually hand my youth back to me.

All of this is so much more appreciated because I was having these weird panic attacks for a while that made me almost incapable of driving a car. I have no idea where it came from. I am a social soul and have been know to get up at midnight and drive to the beach on an impulse. I had gotten to the point where I stayed at home, telling myself that was just fine. I went to a psychiatrist and she put me on Lexapro. I dont' feel like I am taking anything, not giddy or sleepy. It took about a month, then one day I just got in the car and drove, all the while my mind was on other things, then I realized, "hey , I am not nervous!" Saturday nght I drove to the next county and all over town! I have my life back!

Sunday, dear Tom and I built a fire in the back yard and sang adn laughed and loved each other.

Today is a holiday, a pajama day.

The only goal I have is to walk the dog.

Wishing you surprizes and sudden gifts from life,

Sunday, January 4, 2009

Auld Lang Syne

Give me your hand, my old dear friend
and here's a hand of mine
We'll drink a cup of kindness yet
For auld lang syne